Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
