Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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