My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
