When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
