He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
