i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
