Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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