i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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