she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize