It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
