Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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