Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
