If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize