Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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