New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
