So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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