I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
