Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
