I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
