What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
