I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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