Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
