At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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