if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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