Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
