dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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