I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
