Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
