TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
