i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
