i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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