Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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