I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
