I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
