He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
