I can text with my tongue
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize