he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
