He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just pee around me
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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