you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
