i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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