Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it hurts more in the daytime
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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