guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
