Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
