i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
As shirtless as possible
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
