do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
