You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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