My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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