I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize