You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
