I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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