my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
