dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
