also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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