I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
