checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize