Heybabeimwearingurpanties
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
