Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
