i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize