So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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