dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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