Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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