he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
