Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
