I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
