think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
