Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize