I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
