can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
