me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
