If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
