Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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