It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
