Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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