Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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