how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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