Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
