Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
