I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
