Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
40s are totally the cure
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
