I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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