Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He better not be in your backpack
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize