im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
