it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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