walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
