between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
