At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
