have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
