I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
