he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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