Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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