i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
