someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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