would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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