I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
