God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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