Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
