Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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