Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
