What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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