i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
