u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
All I want is dick and wine.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
