If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
